I think you have argued your point to the best of your ability but what worries me is the fact that you are generalising. First of all, not all girls are what you perceive them to be. I had assumptions that finding friends would not be the easiest task but to my surprise, it wasn’t at all what I had expected it to be. I have friends that when I first got to my res I thought, there was no way they were going to be my friends. Obviously I was being judgemental because the very girls I thought were out of my league are my “best buddies” so far. If you have been through hardships with your female friends I think you should have found a better angle of attacking this particular issue because to me you’re just generalising. This goes for the res concept as well. Again, it depends on your experiences of res life. To me, res is been the best place I could ever have imagined it to be.
Check Von
Thursday, October 23, 2008
The Men In Our Lives
The Men in Our Lives
D
ivorce, death and the irresponsibility of many of our fathers out there has robbed many young women the warmth and stability of a healthy family situation. There is no such thing as a perfect family, but surely every individual, every young person; every girl deserves to have some kind of father figure in their lives.
It is a sad and an unfortunate fact that many first years that come to Rhodes yearly come from broken families, headless families, families with no father figures and many of these first years are affected psychologically by this, in one way or another. Many of these young adults come from single-parent-headed families and for many of them this single remaining parent is the mother. Having come from a broken family, a fatherless family, I realize how deep the implications of having no father-figure in ones life. However, I decided to narrow my observation to the effects fatherlessness has on the young girls that came to varsity for the first time this year.
I spoke to a young lady in my res, who lost her father when her parents decided to get a divorce at the age of ten, and asked her about how this had affected her growing up. S’nazo seems to believe that many of the mishaps in her life have been aggravated by the absence of a father figure in her life. This young lady has attended counseling for the fifth year this year and her stumbling block has been the inability to commit and trust, especially males in her life. S’nazo is now homosexual, and she dates other women. She believes that this is a conscious decision as she refuses to be subjected to the same rejection she felt when her dad left. S’nazo is not the only young lady I spoke to, I also spoke to Tumi who had lost her father to a nasty car accident two years ago. Tumi is still struggling to come to terms with the loss of her father as she personally believes that a father figure in one’s life is pivotal. I then sat and did a little self-introspection about the issue, because unfortunately I am part of the statistics, I too, lost my father at a very tender age. I realized who better to know the effect of having no father figure has on one’s life. It was always the little things that really got to me, the Father’s Day cards, the Parent’s meetings, the prize giving ceremonies and the sight of my mother sitting there alone and beaming with pride, ALONE. The day of my matric farewell, the day of my valedictory, the day I received my matric results, the day I first came to Rhodes, these were all significant days in my life and my own father was not there to appreciate them with me.
Psychologically this is said to have permanent implications on girls and these carry through to their adult lives and even through to their own children one day. In Victoria Secunda’s book, Women and Their Fathers , she states there explicitly that the absence of a father figure in a girl’s life is far more server e than it is for boys. She says women without fathers grow up to be far more dependent on the men in their lives, or are simply unable to commit and trust other males. She says the main role a father plays on a child’s life is to help them develop their own competence and independence. This then obviously lacks to some extent in the lives of the young women who grow up without father figures in their lives.
When one comes to place like varsity, it is a test of one’s character and values. Many of the decisions you make here could and should affect the rest of your life. It is therefore important that one has a solid up-bringing. No one has a perfect life, however it is important we draw attention to the pain some young women who walk around this campus experience and be sensitized to it. I pray that all the girls that have grown up and continue to grow without father figures in their lives, find the strength to continue holding their heads up high.
D
ivorce, death and the irresponsibility of many of our fathers out there has robbed many young women the warmth and stability of a healthy family situation. There is no such thing as a perfect family, but surely every individual, every young person; every girl deserves to have some kind of father figure in their lives.
It is a sad and an unfortunate fact that many first years that come to Rhodes yearly come from broken families, headless families, families with no father figures and many of these first years are affected psychologically by this, in one way or another. Many of these young adults come from single-parent-headed families and for many of them this single remaining parent is the mother. Having come from a broken family, a fatherless family, I realize how deep the implications of having no father-figure in ones life. However, I decided to narrow my observation to the effects fatherlessness has on the young girls that came to varsity for the first time this year.
I spoke to a young lady in my res, who lost her father when her parents decided to get a divorce at the age of ten, and asked her about how this had affected her growing up. S’nazo seems to believe that many of the mishaps in her life have been aggravated by the absence of a father figure in her life. This young lady has attended counseling for the fifth year this year and her stumbling block has been the inability to commit and trust, especially males in her life. S’nazo is now homosexual, and she dates other women. She believes that this is a conscious decision as she refuses to be subjected to the same rejection she felt when her dad left. S’nazo is not the only young lady I spoke to, I also spoke to Tumi who had lost her father to a nasty car accident two years ago. Tumi is still struggling to come to terms with the loss of her father as she personally believes that a father figure in one’s life is pivotal. I then sat and did a little self-introspection about the issue, because unfortunately I am part of the statistics, I too, lost my father at a very tender age. I realized who better to know the effect of having no father figure has on one’s life. It was always the little things that really got to me, the Father’s Day cards, the Parent’s meetings, the prize giving ceremonies and the sight of my mother sitting there alone and beaming with pride, ALONE. The day of my matric farewell, the day of my valedictory, the day I received my matric results, the day I first came to Rhodes, these were all significant days in my life and my own father was not there to appreciate them with me.
Psychologically this is said to have permanent implications on girls and these carry through to their adult lives and even through to their own children one day. In Victoria Secunda’s book, Women and Their Fathers , she states there explicitly that the absence of a father figure in a girl’s life is far more server e than it is for boys. She says women without fathers grow up to be far more dependent on the men in their lives, or are simply unable to commit and trust other males. She says the main role a father plays on a child’s life is to help them develop their own competence and independence. This then obviously lacks to some extent in the lives of the young women who grow up without father figures in their lives.
When one comes to place like varsity, it is a test of one’s character and values. Many of the decisions you make here could and should affect the rest of your life. It is therefore important that one has a solid up-bringing. No one has a perfect life, however it is important we draw attention to the pain some young women who walk around this campus experience and be sensitized to it. I pray that all the girls that have grown up and continue to grow without father figures in their lives, find the strength to continue holding their heads up high.
Monday, October 20, 2008
It sickens me!
Media: Always portraying the worst!
It always and still pains the way the media will always publish the worst side of something. I know the news stories are probably selected according to news values but that does not mean there is only bad to tell about a certain place all the time. This, I see as an indoctrination of the public’s mind.
I noticed how media can programme and manipulate one into thinking that a situation in a country is really the way they put it. I always thought that people from Zimbabwe were poor and that they couldn’t speak English properly. I have never been to Zim and yet I had such perceptions about the country and its people. Where did the spark of my views hail from? The constant reports on how people suffer from hunger and the extreme violence that goes on in that country. Why don’t we ever hear of their intelligence? Why don’t we ever see the infrastructure because surely there are immaculate buildings and elegant recreational facilities? As a result I was totally surprised when I learned that Zimbabweans here at Rhodes have enough. Some even have things that I know I could never have at this age, like a car for example.
Take how people from the West look at Africa, look at what views they have about Africa; look at how their minds are imposed to ideas of the situation of the Motherland. Most of them have never been to Africa but the ideas they have about Africa spells it all out. A friend of mine did her lower grades in England and she says she has never seen such ignorant people in her life. They asked her how she got there, hallo…never heard of flying before? They asked what she flew in, as if a swallow or an eagle took her to England. Asked her how constantly she sees Nelson Mandela. Chances of meeting Tata Mandela are as slim in South Africa as they would be in Madagascar.
I remember when Chris Brown came to South Africa, the places he went to in Johannesburg and how amazed he was at how beautiful the shopping malls in Joburg were. There is an awesome dance group on Jozi and those guys and girls are just of-the-hook. They danced for Chris Brown and the moves they did were just as much hip as CB’s are. He was so fascinate that he said he didn’t think South Africans can dance like they do back in the States. I was really put off, not by what Chris Brown said but by how the media, entertainment in this case do not show the talent that S.A. has. There are so many people that can dance in this country but they are not given adequate publicity.
Western civilians see Africa as this poverty-stricken country… yes people suffer from hunger, people suffer from diseases, but not all Africans are HIV positive, not all African children are beggars.There are just as much street beggars in the western countries; people get raped especially by their family members. Why hasn’t that made a big deal? Why that hasn’t been constantly in papers? Domestic violence has taken its tall in America, and who ever cared to make a big deal about that?
The media portrays Africa as this place with useless people who can’t even make endeavours to save their lives, which is not true! This has been happening for a long time if not forever and I feel that the media is not only informing people but misinforming them as well. We have the idea that everything that is in the media is true and that leave us narrow-minded. I think it’s about time the media did their job and that includes not misinforming people in order to make profit for their own benefit. Now South Africa is being referred to as this crime hole where you don’t stand a chance of coming out if you happen to get in it. I mean there is crime everywhere. If this is the agenda of the media, then I must surely be mistaken.
It always and still pains the way the media will always publish the worst side of something. I know the news stories are probably selected according to news values but that does not mean there is only bad to tell about a certain place all the time. This, I see as an indoctrination of the public’s mind.
I noticed how media can programme and manipulate one into thinking that a situation in a country is really the way they put it. I always thought that people from Zimbabwe were poor and that they couldn’t speak English properly. I have never been to Zim and yet I had such perceptions about the country and its people. Where did the spark of my views hail from? The constant reports on how people suffer from hunger and the extreme violence that goes on in that country. Why don’t we ever hear of their intelligence? Why don’t we ever see the infrastructure because surely there are immaculate buildings and elegant recreational facilities? As a result I was totally surprised when I learned that Zimbabweans here at Rhodes have enough. Some even have things that I know I could never have at this age, like a car for example.
Take how people from the West look at Africa, look at what views they have about Africa; look at how their minds are imposed to ideas of the situation of the Motherland. Most of them have never been to Africa but the ideas they have about Africa spells it all out. A friend of mine did her lower grades in England and she says she has never seen such ignorant people in her life. They asked her how she got there, hallo…never heard of flying before? They asked what she flew in, as if a swallow or an eagle took her to England. Asked her how constantly she sees Nelson Mandela. Chances of meeting Tata Mandela are as slim in South Africa as they would be in Madagascar.
I remember when Chris Brown came to South Africa, the places he went to in Johannesburg and how amazed he was at how beautiful the shopping malls in Joburg were. There is an awesome dance group on Jozi and those guys and girls are just of-the-hook. They danced for Chris Brown and the moves they did were just as much hip as CB’s are. He was so fascinate that he said he didn’t think South Africans can dance like they do back in the States. I was really put off, not by what Chris Brown said but by how the media, entertainment in this case do not show the talent that S.A. has. There are so many people that can dance in this country but they are not given adequate publicity.
Western civilians see Africa as this poverty-stricken country… yes people suffer from hunger, people suffer from diseases, but not all Africans are HIV positive, not all African children are beggars.There are just as much street beggars in the western countries; people get raped especially by their family members. Why hasn’t that made a big deal? Why that hasn’t been constantly in papers? Domestic violence has taken its tall in America, and who ever cared to make a big deal about that?
The media portrays Africa as this place with useless people who can’t even make endeavours to save their lives, which is not true! This has been happening for a long time if not forever and I feel that the media is not only informing people but misinforming them as well. We have the idea that everything that is in the media is true and that leave us narrow-minded. I think it’s about time the media did their job and that includes not misinforming people in order to make profit for their own benefit. Now South Africa is being referred to as this crime hole where you don’t stand a chance of coming out if you happen to get in it. I mean there is crime everywhere. If this is the agenda of the media, then I must surely be mistaken.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Journ 1 - do you agree?
I was told that they would try to dissuade me from doing journalism. I was told that because so many people come to Rhodes to do journalism they make the first year hard, they make it uninteresting and they make sure that the numbers are cut. They were right.
It was with a naïve ambition as to the world changing prospects I held with regard to my future profession that I filled out ‘B Journ’. To me the provided space of the university application sheet held a promise. Not only a promise for my distant future, but a promise to study a degree that I was tailor made for. It was with a full heart and a near romanticised flare that I submitted this application, marred with the attached aspiration of a seemingly untiring reservoir of idealistic ambitions. I maintained that because I was passionate enough, and that because I had a clear prospect of where I would be in five years time no amount of dissuasion could discourage me enough. I was prepared and I was ready for anything thrown my way.
“I heard first year is a waste of time, is second year any better?”
“God, I hope so”.
On my first night at Rhodes, sometime in mid February, I was provided with a sampler as to what I could expect. Numerous sources validated these sentiments and warned me as to what I was getting myself into. My casual reply to each was that I was just going to have to stick it out till next year. Not even the disparaging opinions that were displayed towards the degree at introductory lectures for other subjects seemed enough to serve as any kind of deterrence for my choice.
Despite these imposed preconceptions I started the year and I tried to do so with a clean slate. It was up to journalism to prove them wrong. This never happened. Lecture attendance became a greater and greater scarcity to the point that two weeks on end could be easily missed in the slightest blink of an eye. The depressing thing however was not that I and many others missed innumerable lectures, but rather that it did not seem to matter. I achieved 73% for my exam without really opening a book, and was not at all celebrated in doing so because I was one of many who had sprung this achievement. The problem therefore seemed to become not that there was too much work, but that the work was inconsequential.
As much as I cannot claim to have enjoyed working on what seemed like an eternity on movie reviews, Soapies and news predictions, it was not the act of working that disillusioned me, but rather the fact that the work seemed pointless. Bar a few assignments and a few lectures here and there it seemed like I was wasting my time, and that I had learned or achieved nothing that I could not have done a year earlier in my schoolboy uniform.
Perhaps if I was an anomaly in my convictions I would be less inclined to crystallize this opinion in the form of this assignment. Unfortunately the truth is that I’m not.
Even though this disposition is shared by many of my peers, up to this point I have dealt with purely individual subjective interpretations of first year journalism. This assignment is useless without an opinion provided for the academic reasoning as to why things are the way they are. This is the opinion part of the piece: The reason why journ appears to be a collection of seemingly pointless assignments coupled with relatively inconsequential lecture attendance is because it often is. This is not at all a comment on the lecturers themselves -this is purely because the course has been designed this way, I believe it would be simplistic to assume that it is accidental. The reasons for this could be many I don’t want to concentrate on venturing too many but it may be to ensure that only the most passionate of aspiring journalists proceed to second year, that only the journalists willing to endure first year have this right. I have been informed that second year is much better, so maybe it is true that you have to be willing to suffer the previously described situation in order to qualify for second year. Be that as it may, I obviously don’t. If it is the true intention of journ to discourage first year students, then it has definitely succeeded.
It was with a naïve ambition as to the world changing prospects I held with regard to my future profession that I filled out ‘B Journ’. To me the provided space of the university application sheet held a promise. Not only a promise for my distant future, but a promise to study a degree that I was tailor made for. It was with a full heart and a near romanticised flare that I submitted this application, marred with the attached aspiration of a seemingly untiring reservoir of idealistic ambitions. I maintained that because I was passionate enough, and that because I had a clear prospect of where I would be in five years time no amount of dissuasion could discourage me enough. I was prepared and I was ready for anything thrown my way.
“I heard first year is a waste of time, is second year any better?”
“God, I hope so”.
On my first night at Rhodes, sometime in mid February, I was provided with a sampler as to what I could expect. Numerous sources validated these sentiments and warned me as to what I was getting myself into. My casual reply to each was that I was just going to have to stick it out till next year. Not even the disparaging opinions that were displayed towards the degree at introductory lectures for other subjects seemed enough to serve as any kind of deterrence for my choice.
Despite these imposed preconceptions I started the year and I tried to do so with a clean slate. It was up to journalism to prove them wrong. This never happened. Lecture attendance became a greater and greater scarcity to the point that two weeks on end could be easily missed in the slightest blink of an eye. The depressing thing however was not that I and many others missed innumerable lectures, but rather that it did not seem to matter. I achieved 73% for my exam without really opening a book, and was not at all celebrated in doing so because I was one of many who had sprung this achievement. The problem therefore seemed to become not that there was too much work, but that the work was inconsequential.
As much as I cannot claim to have enjoyed working on what seemed like an eternity on movie reviews, Soapies and news predictions, it was not the act of working that disillusioned me, but rather the fact that the work seemed pointless. Bar a few assignments and a few lectures here and there it seemed like I was wasting my time, and that I had learned or achieved nothing that I could not have done a year earlier in my schoolboy uniform.
Perhaps if I was an anomaly in my convictions I would be less inclined to crystallize this opinion in the form of this assignment. Unfortunately the truth is that I’m not.
Even though this disposition is shared by many of my peers, up to this point I have dealt with purely individual subjective interpretations of first year journalism. This assignment is useless without an opinion provided for the academic reasoning as to why things are the way they are. This is the opinion part of the piece: The reason why journ appears to be a collection of seemingly pointless assignments coupled with relatively inconsequential lecture attendance is because it often is. This is not at all a comment on the lecturers themselves -this is purely because the course has been designed this way, I believe it would be simplistic to assume that it is accidental. The reasons for this could be many I don’t want to concentrate on venturing too many but it may be to ensure that only the most passionate of aspiring journalists proceed to second year, that only the journalists willing to endure first year have this right. I have been informed that second year is much better, so maybe it is true that you have to be willing to suffer the previously described situation in order to qualify for second year. Be that as it may, I obviously don’t. If it is the true intention of journ to discourage first year students, then it has definitely succeeded.
Lets be realistic...
It’s a fact: to many first year students, coming to Rhodes actually gave them a chance to experience the outside world. Free from their parents treating them like infants, they get the opportunity to interact with people with different lifestyles from different backgrounds.
Notably people when they are at Rhodes, tend to adopt fake lifestyles that they did not live while they were still in school. One example is of a friend of mine from res. When we first came here during the O’ week, he avoided alcohol and he was going to church every Sunday. He was just a man of God and successfully avoided all funny stuff. Having too much work, as he explains is one of the causes that made him choose to drink alcohol. Now he cannot do anything without alcohol even when he is studying. But it’s a good thing that it’s working for him even though it’s something that he inherited through stress and ‘peer pressure’.
Another good example is I. Coming from the rural area where I knew that boys have a duty to the field to graze cattle, where they find their own ways to entertain themselves like swimming in the dam and play a stick game has exposed me to a ‘civilized’ environment. I still recall my first day at Rhodes when one girl asked me if I go out and I just replied, “Daily” not knowing that going out here is interpreted daily. I had never been inside the club before and I didn’t know what happening there. I still remember my first day at EQ, watching the sport lights as they rotate on the floor, drinking some ‘sweet alcoholic stuff’ and waking up in the morning on my bed not knowing how did I get there. I started to get more and more addicted to this ‘going out’ thing as I was doing it every weekend. Seeing that my academic performance was bad, I then realized that it’s because this was not the good way for me to live. I then went back to my old way o living.
I am not trying to criticize or offend anybody, and I don’t know if it’s a style or what, but I have noticed that there are lots of guys here who adopt a feminine style. This reminds of the day when I was at Jac lab, when one guys asked me for the pen, and I said, “I’m sorry girl, I don’t have it”. They way he walks, the hair style and even the way he speaks you can bet that he is a girl. On my tutorial, when we were discussing our experiences, one girl made an example of one guy in her history tut. She stated that during the first and the second term, this guy was straight just like other ordinary guys, but the third term, as she said it, he became “homosexual”.
As I said, on this opinion piece I am not trying to criticize or offend anybody, but come on! Why people when they get to varsity they change their lifestyle? Some of them you can see that those things don’t suit them but they still doing it to please other people. My argument as this let us try to live what we are and not imitate other people’s styles because they are ‘a fake’ to us. And they will never work to us as good as it works for those people.
Monday, October 13, 2008
letter to my younger self
Dear Siviwe
I am hoping you are doing well during this time of immense change in your life. This is now a brand new chapter in your life, one that is going to be filled with excitement, fear and life changing experiences.
Orientation is going to be extremely exciting and filled with many social events that you will have to attend so as to integrate well with other 1st years. However my dear friend you will soon find out that when the Big Fish return to their pond, and lectures start, not only are you the youngest but the most vulranable of the fish. You will need to be very aware of the fact that the social events do not end during O-week instead they increase as the term and year progresses. Your duty is to choose your battles well. By that I mean, go out, be merry, but remember what you came here for.
The tools that I am equipping you with are pretty simple and easy to operate. The hammer, it is there to help you with issues of getting hammered(being drunk). Know your limit friend and always be wary of receiving ready-made drinks. The second tool is the screw-driver which helps with issues of sex. I know you are a woman of morals, I trust you will make the right decision regarding this. The third tool is the bolts and nuts which are to help you with school work. This is what you came here for, studying and getting your degree, however growing up and establishing the kind of person you are is part of that.
You will enjoy University to the max but the issue of having too much at your disposal might be over-whelming at times. These are ones best years so make the most of them.
Lots of love
Siviwe
A day in the life of Mamo
Mamo is a timid, shy girl from a small town of Tabanchu in the middle of the Freestate. We are walking through the Botanical gardens because this is her favorite ‘thinking-spot’ on campus. She laughs and shyly says she has had to come here a lot these past few weeks because of the issues in her life.
Mamo is one of six children and coming to Rhodes was just a privilege only available to her. Mamo’s mother is a domestic worker at a neighboring neighborhood, and her father died ten years ago in a nasty car crash. Mamo is currently on Financial Aid and that is how she is funding her studies. I asked her about her first impressions when she arrived at Rhodes and she honestly admitted that these facilities, the people around this place, the privileges available to us at Rhodes is something new to her. When narrating her life to me she had said:
“I grew up in a small home with a large number of people, my father was not at all supportive and my mother being old fashioned and having not completed school she had no intention of changing the condition until he died in a car crash. Since then it has been hard for her to take care of all of us and provide for our needs. Thanks to NSFAS I could come to Rhodes and I’m grateful as I have learnt a lot and grown personally”.
However, this is not all there is to tell about her life at Rhodes during the year of 2008. When Mamo got to Rhodes she had met certain kinds of friends which she describes as “toxic, influential people.” She elaborated and said when she first met the friends she has now, they were seemingly genuine people who had the same aims in life as she did. Slowly and sadly she realized this friendship she was in was more harm than good to her. When she narrates the story of her friends she has tears in her eyes, her voice quivers and her eyes dart around as if to check if no one is hearing her. When she got to the ‘group’ she had to be initiated by going to EQ and drinking herself to a pulp. She admits that she knew that these were not her kind of people but because they were cool and liked by many, she decided to stay. Gradually she started drinking and smoking as a way of life. She describes as being “sucked in the Rhodent life style”. Mamo started dating a guy from Rhodes and things accelerated to a point of climax way too quickly and before she knew it, the innocent girl from Tabanchu was gone and she had lost her virginity. Mamo’s life started to spiral out of control because she fell pregnant and was forced by her friends and her new boyfriend to have an abortion. She then had a terrible time at the hospital because she had complications with her procedure. When Mamo talks about her experience she breaks down and cries and we have to stop the interview.
The next day we conduct the interview in her res room at Helen Joseph. The room is simple and has the bare necessities. She is nervous and she keeps standing up and walking around the room like nothing is wrong. Being herself, she doesn’t let her problems out in the open and she locks a whole lot of baggage inside and pulls off a smile confidently all the time. We continue talking about her life at Rhodes. She sadly tells me her academic progress and sadly says: “I am failing my first year”. When I ask her to elaborate more she says she hasn’t been pulling her weight and failing is a possibility.
Reflecting on Mamo’s story one would think she had a difficult life and her first year is a total write off, but one need to look at the lessons she has learnt, the obstacles she has overcome and realize that Mamo has done a lot of growing up. One would also realize that there is no manual for surviving your first year at Rhodes or any other institution for that matter. She closed off the interview by saying: “ one needs to be true to one’s self before trying to impress others.”
Mamo is one of six children and coming to Rhodes was just a privilege only available to her. Mamo’s mother is a domestic worker at a neighboring neighborhood, and her father died ten years ago in a nasty car crash. Mamo is currently on Financial Aid and that is how she is funding her studies. I asked her about her first impressions when she arrived at Rhodes and she honestly admitted that these facilities, the people around this place, the privileges available to us at Rhodes is something new to her. When narrating her life to me she had said:
“I grew up in a small home with a large number of people, my father was not at all supportive and my mother being old fashioned and having not completed school she had no intention of changing the condition until he died in a car crash. Since then it has been hard for her to take care of all of us and provide for our needs. Thanks to NSFAS I could come to Rhodes and I’m grateful as I have learnt a lot and grown personally”.
However, this is not all there is to tell about her life at Rhodes during the year of 2008. When Mamo got to Rhodes she had met certain kinds of friends which she describes as “toxic, influential people.” She elaborated and said when she first met the friends she has now, they were seemingly genuine people who had the same aims in life as she did. Slowly and sadly she realized this friendship she was in was more harm than good to her. When she narrates the story of her friends she has tears in her eyes, her voice quivers and her eyes dart around as if to check if no one is hearing her. When she got to the ‘group’ she had to be initiated by going to EQ and drinking herself to a pulp. She admits that she knew that these were not her kind of people but because they were cool and liked by many, she decided to stay. Gradually she started drinking and smoking as a way of life. She describes as being “sucked in the Rhodent life style”. Mamo started dating a guy from Rhodes and things accelerated to a point of climax way too quickly and before she knew it, the innocent girl from Tabanchu was gone and she had lost her virginity. Mamo’s life started to spiral out of control because she fell pregnant and was forced by her friends and her new boyfriend to have an abortion. She then had a terrible time at the hospital because she had complications with her procedure. When Mamo talks about her experience she breaks down and cries and we have to stop the interview.
The next day we conduct the interview in her res room at Helen Joseph. The room is simple and has the bare necessities. She is nervous and she keeps standing up and walking around the room like nothing is wrong. Being herself, she doesn’t let her problems out in the open and she locks a whole lot of baggage inside and pulls off a smile confidently all the time. We continue talking about her life at Rhodes. She sadly tells me her academic progress and sadly says: “I am failing my first year”. When I ask her to elaborate more she says she hasn’t been pulling her weight and failing is a possibility.
Reflecting on Mamo’s story one would think she had a difficult life and her first year is a total write off, but one need to look at the lessons she has learnt, the obstacles she has overcome and realize that Mamo has done a lot of growing up. One would also realize that there is no manual for surviving your first year at Rhodes or any other institution for that matter. She closed off the interview by saying: “ one needs to be true to one’s self before trying to impress others.”
Sunday, October 12, 2008
The Saint in the City of Sin
It’s a cold Thursday evening and after days of begging my fellow res-mate to let me interview her she finally obliges. After receiving a pop-up Gtalk text vigilantly commanding to “get it over and done with”, a sudden feeling of excitement emerges. This is probably because this is the ultimate down-to-earth first year who has not only been aloof, but also very wise in her ways of life. The interest in this amazing young lady grew after months of endless partying, resulting in lost keys and chips, only to have her open the door in very ‘ungodly’ hours. So the question is, how has she managed to stay grounded and simultaneously sane in this crazy life of University?
Bongeka Mazibuko hails from Kwa-Zulu Natal. She is the last born of two children, raised by parents who were exiles in the apartheid struggle and born again at the age of 12 she has dedicated her life to God and His ways. “When I arrived at Rhodes, I was so sure I wouldn’t fall on the way-side of life. My friends and family had warned me of Rhodes’ infamous reputation of wild partying and the extensive and unhealthy drinking habits, but I wanted to prove everyone wrong-that I would not be a Rhodes stereo-type.”
Lying comfortable in her bed, dressed in pyjama’s and a sweater written, “God Saves!” it is clear where this girl stands. Her room is dark with just the desk lamp alight, her notice board is cluttered with photographs of loved ones, biblical quotes and her busy timetable. Her linen is beige and cream, her shelves are adorned with blue precious stones and scented candles and a calming Pure Moods playlist creates a tranquil environment. This is her sanctuary. “I take attention to detail, I hate cluttered spaces and I aim to create an environment that is conducive to my studies, besides I don’t go out much so I might as well make my room as homely as possible.” Bongeka, a first-year BA Law student says she decided to study at Rhodes because she had never been away from home and didn’t want to study in a fast-paced city like Johannesburg and Cape Town never appealed to her. She also wanted the best Law degree in the country and she knew that a Rhodes Law degree would take her places.
So what makes her so aloof and reserved? “I’ve always been different, I spent too much time studying and heading many committees in school that I simply had no time to socialise. My week-ends were dedicated to church youth services and community work.” Bongeka goes on to share her experiences of working in a soup kitchen back home and how rewarding and humbling that was.
Bongeka has earned the reputation of being an “Ice Queen”, but in the last months students have realised she actually is fun and has many stories to tell. She often interrupts with child-like giggles and chuckles as she finds it very interesting that someone would want to hear about her life at Rhodes. “I thought I was the ‘geek’” she regretfully comments, but I make her aware that she in fact is our hero, we have seen her remain herself amidst the chaos of University life. She proudly smiles and goes on to quote her favourite verse whilst pointing to it on her wall, “even the youths shall faint and be weary, And the young men shall utterly fall, But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength, They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40 v 30-31) A sudden pride emulates from her face as she explains that it hasn’t been easy remaining herself, but gives the credit to her parents and their teachings. “My parents’ words of wisdom constantly linger in my head and their example has been extremely instrumental in my character.” She tells that there were tempting times when people would invite her to Equilibrium or Olde 65 and once even succumbed because she didn’t want to disappoint them. “It was horrible. There were drunk people acting like fools and I just didn’t belong there.” Her face turns gloomy as she reflects on that experience that taught her never to compromise again. “I have parents who are God-fearing who never associated themselves with people that weren’t a good influence.”
Judging by the lifestyles of most Rhodent’s it would seem that there were no other ways of enjoying the Rhodes experience, but Bongeka begs to argue. “ I have established friendships with girls and even guys who don’t go clubbing or drink and we have lots of fun,” she joyfully tells of what they get up to in Grahamstown, “We love movies and we’ve created this ritual of watching one movie a month at Roxbury and we’ve called this ‘Cinema Nouvea’.” We also enjoy the chocolate brownies and Oreo milkshakes they serve at the Red Cafe and Fridays are very exciting when we meet at the SCO (Student Christian Organisation) for reviving praise and worship and sharing of the Word of God.
It appears that Bongeka is having a wonderful experience and after an hour of hearing what she has to say, not only am I deeply evoked at a level of spiritual consciousness, but am proud to see a young lady living an honourable life against the odds of temptation and peer pressure.
Bongeka Mazibuko hails from Kwa-Zulu Natal. She is the last born of two children, raised by parents who were exiles in the apartheid struggle and born again at the age of 12 she has dedicated her life to God and His ways. “When I arrived at Rhodes, I was so sure I wouldn’t fall on the way-side of life. My friends and family had warned me of Rhodes’ infamous reputation of wild partying and the extensive and unhealthy drinking habits, but I wanted to prove everyone wrong-that I would not be a Rhodes stereo-type.”
Lying comfortable in her bed, dressed in pyjama’s and a sweater written, “God Saves!” it is clear where this girl stands. Her room is dark with just the desk lamp alight, her notice board is cluttered with photographs of loved ones, biblical quotes and her busy timetable. Her linen is beige and cream, her shelves are adorned with blue precious stones and scented candles and a calming Pure Moods playlist creates a tranquil environment. This is her sanctuary. “I take attention to detail, I hate cluttered spaces and I aim to create an environment that is conducive to my studies, besides I don’t go out much so I might as well make my room as homely as possible.” Bongeka, a first-year BA Law student says she decided to study at Rhodes because she had never been away from home and didn’t want to study in a fast-paced city like Johannesburg and Cape Town never appealed to her. She also wanted the best Law degree in the country and she knew that a Rhodes Law degree would take her places.
So what makes her so aloof and reserved? “I’ve always been different, I spent too much time studying and heading many committees in school that I simply had no time to socialise. My week-ends were dedicated to church youth services and community work.” Bongeka goes on to share her experiences of working in a soup kitchen back home and how rewarding and humbling that was.
Bongeka has earned the reputation of being an “Ice Queen”, but in the last months students have realised she actually is fun and has many stories to tell. She often interrupts with child-like giggles and chuckles as she finds it very interesting that someone would want to hear about her life at Rhodes. “I thought I was the ‘geek’” she regretfully comments, but I make her aware that she in fact is our hero, we have seen her remain herself amidst the chaos of University life. She proudly smiles and goes on to quote her favourite verse whilst pointing to it on her wall, “even the youths shall faint and be weary, And the young men shall utterly fall, But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength, They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40 v 30-31) A sudden pride emulates from her face as she explains that it hasn’t been easy remaining herself, but gives the credit to her parents and their teachings. “My parents’ words of wisdom constantly linger in my head and their example has been extremely instrumental in my character.” She tells that there were tempting times when people would invite her to Equilibrium or Olde 65 and once even succumbed because she didn’t want to disappoint them. “It was horrible. There were drunk people acting like fools and I just didn’t belong there.” Her face turns gloomy as she reflects on that experience that taught her never to compromise again. “I have parents who are God-fearing who never associated themselves with people that weren’t a good influence.”
Judging by the lifestyles of most Rhodent’s it would seem that there were no other ways of enjoying the Rhodes experience, but Bongeka begs to argue. “ I have established friendships with girls and even guys who don’t go clubbing or drink and we have lots of fun,” she joyfully tells of what they get up to in Grahamstown, “We love movies and we’ve created this ritual of watching one movie a month at Roxbury and we’ve called this ‘Cinema Nouvea’.” We also enjoy the chocolate brownies and Oreo milkshakes they serve at the Red Cafe and Fridays are very exciting when we meet at the SCO (Student Christian Organisation) for reviving praise and worship and sharing of the Word of God.
It appears that Bongeka is having a wonderful experience and after an hour of hearing what she has to say, not only am I deeply evoked at a level of spiritual consciousness, but am proud to see a young lady living an honourable life against the odds of temptation and peer pressure.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Profile
Tim Cordon-Lloyd faces me idly while clumsily fumbling his pen between his thumb and his forefinger. With rhythmical intensity he restlessly clicks the nib in and out, constantly tapping the head of the pen against the cracked wooden arm rest of his chair. Although his exterior may be unsettled and distracted it helps nothing towards reading the man behind his un-aiding stare. There is no hint of stress or anxiety behind his deceptively calm blue eyes. It doesn’t take much time to figure out that Tim is a man of few problems and even fewer worries about those problems.
“Definitely not”. The short succinct phrase is as much an expression of his character as it is a summation of his attitude towards his degree. Although his response is cursory, it is by no means an inaccurate reflection of his disposition. Like many, Tim was attracted to Rhodes University to study journalism, and like almost as many, when asked as to whether he intended to take his degree to a second year of study, his reply is a simple “definitely not”. Tim doesn’t fill the ensuing silence with any aids or hints to understanding his reasoning; he has made it plainly clear that his convictions do not require anybody else’s verification or approval, his parents included. “My mom is not that phased about it, if all goes according to plan I have other majors that I can do” He takes a moment to reflect and then adds, “even though I came here to do journ she’s not fussed that I’m dropping it.” Tim joins a mass statistic of first year journalism drops outs. The same eager first years who held the strongest convictions of their intentions to complete a journalism degree at Rhodes, now hold equally strong convictions of laughing off the credit as soon as the chance presents itself. The reasons for this are many, but amongst these there seems to be a common trend of opinion, one which Tim himself subscribes to. “I don’t know. I just feel like I’ve been wasting my time. And I don’t at all regret coming to Rhodes, but it feels like up to this point that the work has been pointless. It’s like doing hours and hours of work that I could have just as easily have done in school, I get the impression that it’s like I’m working for the sake of it.” Tim is the archetypal first year journalism drop out. Disillusioned and eager to move on, it seems there isn’t much that could change his mind.
But why is it like this? As a student who has taken journalism for near 8 months, Tim’s advice is certainly indispensable on the topic of surviving first year. “Any advice to survive first year that I could give? Probably not to get your hopes up. You can’t come to Rhodes with a Romantic’s idea of journalism, and if you decided to study journalism because you’re a good writer then you’re definitely in it for the wrong reasons. It doesn’t actually have much to do with writing”. Tim further commented that if you ever felt like you were wasting your time then you were no different to him. Although his cynicism may be a deterrent to oblivious future students, this by no means makes it any less of a helpful survival aid. “There actually isn’t much I can say. You have to try it out for yourself; there are people who love journ. I’m just not one of them.” As to whether he could venture a reason for this chasm between the lovers and the haters Tim doesn’t know, he can however venture a reason as to why the latter outweighs the former. “People arrive with expectations that are too high. When you expect something amazing and you end up with anything less, disappointment is bound to follow.”
“Definitely not”. The short succinct phrase is as much an expression of his character as it is a summation of his attitude towards his degree. Although his response is cursory, it is by no means an inaccurate reflection of his disposition. Like many, Tim was attracted to Rhodes University to study journalism, and like almost as many, when asked as to whether he intended to take his degree to a second year of study, his reply is a simple “definitely not”. Tim doesn’t fill the ensuing silence with any aids or hints to understanding his reasoning; he has made it plainly clear that his convictions do not require anybody else’s verification or approval, his parents included. “My mom is not that phased about it, if all goes according to plan I have other majors that I can do” He takes a moment to reflect and then adds, “even though I came here to do journ she’s not fussed that I’m dropping it.” Tim joins a mass statistic of first year journalism drops outs. The same eager first years who held the strongest convictions of their intentions to complete a journalism degree at Rhodes, now hold equally strong convictions of laughing off the credit as soon as the chance presents itself. The reasons for this are many, but amongst these there seems to be a common trend of opinion, one which Tim himself subscribes to. “I don’t know. I just feel like I’ve been wasting my time. And I don’t at all regret coming to Rhodes, but it feels like up to this point that the work has been pointless. It’s like doing hours and hours of work that I could have just as easily have done in school, I get the impression that it’s like I’m working for the sake of it.” Tim is the archetypal first year journalism drop out. Disillusioned and eager to move on, it seems there isn’t much that could change his mind.
But why is it like this? As a student who has taken journalism for near 8 months, Tim’s advice is certainly indispensable on the topic of surviving first year. “Any advice to survive first year that I could give? Probably not to get your hopes up. You can’t come to Rhodes with a Romantic’s idea of journalism, and if you decided to study journalism because you’re a good writer then you’re definitely in it for the wrong reasons. It doesn’t actually have much to do with writing”. Tim further commented that if you ever felt like you were wasting your time then you were no different to him. Although his cynicism may be a deterrent to oblivious future students, this by no means makes it any less of a helpful survival aid. “There actually isn’t much I can say. You have to try it out for yourself; there are people who love journ. I’m just not one of them.” As to whether he could venture a reason for this chasm between the lovers and the haters Tim doesn’t know, he can however venture a reason as to why the latter outweighs the former. “People arrive with expectations that are too high. When you expect something amazing and you end up with anything less, disappointment is bound to follow.”
Sunday, October 5, 2008
The Obstacle-basher Survivor
She is a very brave, active, fun and a people’s person. She is a brave girl who loves to smile and loves being happy all the time and yet hurt easily. *Puleng had so many expectations about varsity; she ultimately thought that lectures would be a great help than they are now. “I honestly didn’t think that it was gonna be a man for himself typa thing,” she said. Showing a wide smile she told me how she thought she would finally have independence now that she is away from the watchful eyes of her parents. “There’s nothing that pains as much as not being able to do what I wanna do, not that I wanna be reckless or anything,” *Puleng says with a rather mischievous smile.
When *Puleng first set her feet in varsity what immediately crossed her inquisitive mind was “no more high school…varsity here I come.” She refers to the varsity’s rules as unnecessary. “My God, inter-res visiting…fells like I’m back in high school.” *Puleng pulls her legs up on bed and sighs deeply before she continues detailing her varsity expectations as a first year. She then gets up and gets herself a glass of juice and offers me one. She further states why she does not understand the idea of restricted rules at university. She expressed her views on this matter in an angrily mood with her hair fringe hiding her left eyebrow, “we’re here to further our education standards and not to be looked after and no, I’m not being naïve,” she said.
Puleng clears her throat as she prepares to lay her academic encounters in the first term of her arrival. Smiling, she tells me of how it was difficult for her to find her feet and not just go with the flow. Her friends say that she is a very committed student and that she’s the type of a person who likes to see to it that things get done on time. “I’m so not a last minute person; I give my work my all but Politics bro…eish,” she says shaking her head vigorously. Her first 101 and 102 politics tests were her academic lows so far and she strongly feels that she “can always make up in exams. Her academic highs were passing her two majors in exams. “It showed that I got my eyes on these two subjects.”
It’s true that we don’t always get what we want or that things don’t always go the way we want them to. This is what *Puleng’s character portrayed immediately after she started reciting the predicaments that she thought would be permanent hindrances to happiness. She pulls a serious or saddened face when asked about her social highlights. A couple minutes filled with silence pass by. “I’ve been hurt many times and each time I think about it pains me really hard, ok maybe the beginning would be ideal,” she said in a lingering voice.
She wishes her mother had cautioned her about heart breakers coz now she doesn’t see herself giving her heart to anyone just like that. “This is the story of my life, I met this guy that I liked so much it’s nobody’s business and I thought he felt the same way about me but I was so wrong it hurts. He would invite me to his room only to start an inadequate argument over stupid things, but I would there anyway coz he had gotten under my skin I just couldn’t stop loving him,” she grabs a handkerchief and quickly wipes tires as they descend on her chubby chicks. “I had to leave him because I could see he was only using me, gosh…he loved knowing that he had someone or something to distress him. I know it sounds as a norm but it was extremely juggling everything at once because I was preparing for exams when I realised this,” tears uncontrollably run down her face as she pours her heart out.
“I’m still astonished at how I managed to get over him; I still love him to beats though. I so wish my mom would have warned me about heartbreakers,” she says with a smile filled with sadness and anger.
When *Puleng first set her feet in varsity what immediately crossed her inquisitive mind was “no more high school…varsity here I come.” She refers to the varsity’s rules as unnecessary. “My God, inter-res visiting…fells like I’m back in high school.” *Puleng pulls her legs up on bed and sighs deeply before she continues detailing her varsity expectations as a first year. She then gets up and gets herself a glass of juice and offers me one. She further states why she does not understand the idea of restricted rules at university. She expressed her views on this matter in an angrily mood with her hair fringe hiding her left eyebrow, “we’re here to further our education standards and not to be looked after and no, I’m not being naïve,” she said.
Puleng clears her throat as she prepares to lay her academic encounters in the first term of her arrival. Smiling, she tells me of how it was difficult for her to find her feet and not just go with the flow. Her friends say that she is a very committed student and that she’s the type of a person who likes to see to it that things get done on time. “I’m so not a last minute person; I give my work my all but Politics bro…eish,” she says shaking her head vigorously. Her first 101 and 102 politics tests were her academic lows so far and she strongly feels that she “can always make up in exams. Her academic highs were passing her two majors in exams. “It showed that I got my eyes on these two subjects.”
It’s true that we don’t always get what we want or that things don’t always go the way we want them to. This is what *Puleng’s character portrayed immediately after she started reciting the predicaments that she thought would be permanent hindrances to happiness. She pulls a serious or saddened face when asked about her social highlights. A couple minutes filled with silence pass by. “I’ve been hurt many times and each time I think about it pains me really hard, ok maybe the beginning would be ideal,” she said in a lingering voice.
She wishes her mother had cautioned her about heart breakers coz now she doesn’t see herself giving her heart to anyone just like that. “This is the story of my life, I met this guy that I liked so much it’s nobody’s business and I thought he felt the same way about me but I was so wrong it hurts. He would invite me to his room only to start an inadequate argument over stupid things, but I would there anyway coz he had gotten under my skin I just couldn’t stop loving him,” she grabs a handkerchief and quickly wipes tires as they descend on her chubby chicks. “I had to leave him because I could see he was only using me, gosh…he loved knowing that he had someone or something to distress him. I know it sounds as a norm but it was extremely juggling everything at once because I was preparing for exams when I realised this,” tears uncontrollably run down her face as she pours her heart out.
“I’m still astonished at how I managed to get over him; I still love him to beats though. I so wish my mom would have warned me about heartbreakers,” she says with a smile filled with sadness and anger.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
The surviving survivor
With his shiny sneakers and his falling pants, he walks as if he is walking on the trampoline. “You got to make it quick man, because I need to be at the law library by six o’clock.” Those are the words by a 20 year old Tendai Foya as we enter his messed up room for the interview.
“University sucks”, says Tendai as he walks towards the sink kicking the coffee mug on the floor. “The only time I have to clean up my room is the weekend”, he explains with the grin on his face. He clears his throat and scratches his hair. “If I happen to fail this year, my dad would eat me alive”, shaking his head as he explains how hard his family is struggling for the better of his future.
“I can’t wait for the weekend to begin”, he says with the smile. He throws his big file on the bed, and as he extracts some books to go with, he continues with the talking. “Here at Rhodes I have leant that you have to both party hard and study hard.” The smell of alcohol is a habit in this room, and the bottles are located in each and every corner. He picks up the brown Hennessey Vodka bottle and places it on his chest. “This is my girlfriend”, he giggles. “The funny thing is that I only started drinking here at Rhodes, but I think I cannot copy without it now.” You can tell from the smile on his face that he enjoy what he is talking about. It’s amazing how the student like him can get all firsts in the entire five subjects on June exams. This alcohol inherited by peer pressure, has became the greatest tool for his first year survival.
His cell phone rings and he then replies, “Not tonight bro, for sure tomorrow”. Tendai makes sure that he avoids going out on weekdays. “I lost my DP last term, and now that I got it back, I’m not going to let it go. Rhodes is a very strict University, so I don’t take chances.” He speaks and elaborates using gestures as he is up and down in the room. Like other students, Tendai also have a so called ‘home sickness’. “Although I have all the freedom that I need, but I miss my Zimbabwe”. He puts the books in the bag and put his bad on his back as a sign that he is ready to go.
Many students when they come to Varsity they change their lifestyle and that negatively affects their academic performance. Tendai is a hero, because even though he got hooked up by alcohol, he still manages to get his schoolwork up to date. “First term was a bit hectic, having to adjust to the new environment, without my family and friends.” Ranging from the first term up until now, Tendai has improved well academically. “I love Rhodes and I don’t see myself attending other institution,” he adds. “Now I am holding the last breath for the exams and I am confident. As long as my sweetheart is here,” he kisses his Hennessey Vodka bottle as he goes to open the door, both of us laughing.
“University sucks”, says Tendai as he walks towards the sink kicking the coffee mug on the floor. “The only time I have to clean up my room is the weekend”, he explains with the grin on his face. He clears his throat and scratches his hair. “If I happen to fail this year, my dad would eat me alive”, shaking his head as he explains how hard his family is struggling for the better of his future.
“I can’t wait for the weekend to begin”, he says with the smile. He throws his big file on the bed, and as he extracts some books to go with, he continues with the talking. “Here at Rhodes I have leant that you have to both party hard and study hard.” The smell of alcohol is a habit in this room, and the bottles are located in each and every corner. He picks up the brown Hennessey Vodka bottle and places it on his chest. “This is my girlfriend”, he giggles. “The funny thing is that I only started drinking here at Rhodes, but I think I cannot copy without it now.” You can tell from the smile on his face that he enjoy what he is talking about. It’s amazing how the student like him can get all firsts in the entire five subjects on June exams. This alcohol inherited by peer pressure, has became the greatest tool for his first year survival.
His cell phone rings and he then replies, “Not tonight bro, for sure tomorrow”. Tendai makes sure that he avoids going out on weekdays. “I lost my DP last term, and now that I got it back, I’m not going to let it go. Rhodes is a very strict University, so I don’t take chances.” He speaks and elaborates using gestures as he is up and down in the room. Like other students, Tendai also have a so called ‘home sickness’. “Although I have all the freedom that I need, but I miss my Zimbabwe”. He puts the books in the bag and put his bad on his back as a sign that he is ready to go.
Many students when they come to Varsity they change their lifestyle and that negatively affects their academic performance. Tendai is a hero, because even though he got hooked up by alcohol, he still manages to get his schoolwork up to date. “First term was a bit hectic, having to adjust to the new environment, without my family and friends.” Ranging from the first term up until now, Tendai has improved well academically. “I love Rhodes and I don’t see myself attending other institution,” he adds. “Now I am holding the last breath for the exams and I am confident. As long as my sweetheart is here,” he kisses his Hennessey Vodka bottle as he goes to open the door, both of us laughing.
Friday, October 3, 2008
DESPARADOS?
University, sounds too good a word a ryt? Yep it does, until you get here and meet new people. Nothing wrong about meetig new people,actually it depends on how you meet and what u think or feel about/ for them. This is my first year and the things that I see here, feels like i'm on ma second year already.Things that girls do here are tremendously devastating and guys here only get what they want and when they're done wit it,they throw it in the rubbish-bin like trash. That...is the saddest thing ever. But then again, guys only see what girls want them 2 see. That is desparados, and if u dn't knw by now,clearly u haven't been to varsity.This is a place where mommy's gal becomes a gal jst not yet a woman, but still she won't stop until she gets it or rather HIM. You tell yourself that you only gonna be a one man woman.You get to varsity,there is no man to make u that one man woman... and this is where it all starts. You start having a crush on some boy that you know very well you never gonna get 'cause he's 'hooked' or he's just way outta your league (you think). You start going out (only to see him or put your plan into action.He comes and chats with you and you get the idea (he's in 2 u). Not really! He was just being friendly, actually he doesn't even know you're eyeing him. Sad isn't it? He notices u're in to him (only after his friends told him so).They talk about you,put their plans down and they strategize. U're now officially the bait. They're in to you but still, u think he's in to you. They play their game very well and Boom....you're in their trap and once u're there, there's no coming back. Sometimes us gals just give to them boys, I don't know whether it is love, lust or just outta desparation. Watcha gotta say?
Monday, September 29, 2008
Letter to my younger self
My innocent self,
It is now, with both regret and wisdom that I feel the need to write to you as you embark on the next chapter of your life-University. This, my dear is a tough, yet amazing institution where the most wonderful and disastrous memories will be made. I write today to give you advise on one of the most difficult challenges you will have to overcome-staying who you are.
Arriving at university is filled with a lot of emotional turmoil and the desire to fit in the most powerful clichés and to generally be accepted. This can be difficult seeing you come from a staunch Christian family that has always emphasised the vitality to lead a pure and righteous life that glorifies God. It shouldn’t be such an issue, but it will be mainly because the most popular lifestyles in University are those of notorious partying, consuming ridiculous amounts of alcohol and sexual experimentation. Can you take the time to drink from my well of wisdom?
With your spiritual knowledge and faith, please be open-minded. Engage with different people of different belief systems, don’t be morally superior and most importantly don’t compromise on your principles and moral standing. Be free, but don’t be loose. Represent your faith by avoiding the things your God deems as unholy. Don’t be a people pleaser, stand up for your faith and don’t apologise for living a healthy lifestyle. Don’t even contemplate participating in activities that will bring Christianity’s name into disrepute, it’s not worth it. The last thing you want to be called is a hypocrite or a fallen angel. As much as you’ll be surrounded by versatile people, keep grounded by continuing to meditate in the word and engaging in intense prayer sessions. Most of your time should be dedicated to your studies and socially, a party once in a while won’t hurt, but joining societies such as SCO(Student Christian Organisation) will add more value to your life. Surround yourself with people who add to your spiritual growth, who will mould you into a better person.
Yours in the spirit of righteousness,
Your older self
It is now, with both regret and wisdom that I feel the need to write to you as you embark on the next chapter of your life-University. This, my dear is a tough, yet amazing institution where the most wonderful and disastrous memories will be made. I write today to give you advise on one of the most difficult challenges you will have to overcome-staying who you are.
Arriving at university is filled with a lot of emotional turmoil and the desire to fit in the most powerful clichés and to generally be accepted. This can be difficult seeing you come from a staunch Christian family that has always emphasised the vitality to lead a pure and righteous life that glorifies God. It shouldn’t be such an issue, but it will be mainly because the most popular lifestyles in University are those of notorious partying, consuming ridiculous amounts of alcohol and sexual experimentation. Can you take the time to drink from my well of wisdom?
With your spiritual knowledge and faith, please be open-minded. Engage with different people of different belief systems, don’t be morally superior and most importantly don’t compromise on your principles and moral standing. Be free, but don’t be loose. Represent your faith by avoiding the things your God deems as unholy. Don’t be a people pleaser, stand up for your faith and don’t apologise for living a healthy lifestyle. Don’t even contemplate participating in activities that will bring Christianity’s name into disrepute, it’s not worth it. The last thing you want to be called is a hypocrite or a fallen angel. As much as you’ll be surrounded by versatile people, keep grounded by continuing to meditate in the word and engaging in intense prayer sessions. Most of your time should be dedicated to your studies and socially, a party once in a while won’t hurt, but joining societies such as SCO(Student Christian Organisation) will add more value to your life. Surround yourself with people who add to your spiritual growth, who will mould you into a better person.
Yours in the spirit of righteousness,
Your older self
Sunday, September 28, 2008
a letter to my younger self
Hey man
I am so glad you have finally decided what course you want to do next year and I am cheerful that you got accepted at Rhodes. All you have to do now is to just break a leg on final exams in order to secure you place. But I don’t doubt you man as you always do your best. What I’m certain you will love are the girls, damn the girls are hot but don’t get side stepped now as you need to focus on your studies. The school is persistent on rules, they do not play around man, you miss a tutorial, or you do not submit your assignment, you get kicked out. But I am sure you will be fine, just to give you a tip from my own experience, if you manage your time meaning stay away from the girls, that is till Friday anyway and prepare your work in advance and you will be cruising. So you better learn to keep away from trouble and I know that is like taking candy from a baby but you will need to try. I am proud to say this from far because I am safe from being slapped. Oh! by the way, I was happy when I received that sms telling me that you quitted alcohol. Thumbs up man! You know here people bath and swim in it. Remember that joke u made about me being ’30 cent’ because I am trying to dress like 50 cent? Yeah, here you get along with different people from different backgrounds with different lifestyles; you choose what goes with you. Almost forgot man, another that you will love is the food, there is lots and lots of food even though sometimes it’s horrible but that’ s not an issue for you as your mouth accepts everything.
Till we meet bro.
Letter to my younger self
My sweet Andy
I know you are probably excited about coming to university and that your parents may have already told one or two things about university life but I thought now would be the perfect time for me to share my first year experiences with you. I know my parents warned me about a lot of things that happen at varsity but I still wish that they could have at least told me about staying who I am.
It was approximately two weeks after Orientation Week when I actually got head-to-head with peer pressure. I had already made friends or at least I thought they were my friends. We were enjoying ourselves and we had decided to go out one night, just to have a good time while we could because at the end of the day we had to bear in mind what we came to varsity for, and that was to get our degree.
I had never touched alcohol in my entire life and had never planned to. All of my friends drank and I was the only who was not into alcohol. They all thought that I was not “cool” and that I defeated the purpose of us calling ourselves the Cool Chicks as I did not want to drink alcohol. They asked me try it and to be honest, I was tempted to as they all claimed “it was not that bad”.
I started looking at myself and remembering the promise I had not only to my mother but to myself as well. I have seen how people, girls in particular, end up losing their dignities because they are so trying hard to fit in. I knew I had to break it up with them because friends look out for each other and respect one another’s decisions and sadly, they were none of that, all they wanted to do was to drag me to their level.
I wish my mother had cautioned about misleading friends because I though we were going to have a valuable friendship but unfortunately, they were not friends enough to value my decision. So all I wanted to let you know that there are misleaders everywhere and it’s you who knows who you are and staying who you are will benefit no one but you.
Yours Lovingly
Philisiwe.
I know you are probably excited about coming to university and that your parents may have already told one or two things about university life but I thought now would be the perfect time for me to share my first year experiences with you. I know my parents warned me about a lot of things that happen at varsity but I still wish that they could have at least told me about staying who I am.
It was approximately two weeks after Orientation Week when I actually got head-to-head with peer pressure. I had already made friends or at least I thought they were my friends. We were enjoying ourselves and we had decided to go out one night, just to have a good time while we could because at the end of the day we had to bear in mind what we came to varsity for, and that was to get our degree.
I had never touched alcohol in my entire life and had never planned to. All of my friends drank and I was the only who was not into alcohol. They all thought that I was not “cool” and that I defeated the purpose of us calling ourselves the Cool Chicks as I did not want to drink alcohol. They asked me try it and to be honest, I was tempted to as they all claimed “it was not that bad”.
I started looking at myself and remembering the promise I had not only to my mother but to myself as well. I have seen how people, girls in particular, end up losing their dignities because they are so trying hard to fit in. I knew I had to break it up with them because friends look out for each other and respect one another’s decisions and sadly, they were none of that, all they wanted to do was to drag me to their level.
I wish my mother had cautioned about misleading friends because I though we were going to have a valuable friendship but unfortunately, they were not friends enough to value my decision. So all I wanted to let you know that there are misleaders everywhere and it’s you who knows who you are and staying who you are will benefit no one but you.
Yours Lovingly
Philisiwe.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Letter to Self
Dear George,
My young friend, this year will open up countless doors, opportunities and experiences for you, far surpassed anything which you could have previously imagined or experienced. This year will be about learning, loving, making friends and having fun. You will lose your liver and learn to drink Crackling at a rapid rate, and in the process you will throw your name away nearly twice a week every week. What matters though is that you have an amazing time throughout. Bad times are few and far between, and you will stretch your wings further than you could have imagined.
My only advice to you is that you must fight the urge to stop gyming in the second term. Work will become near insurmountable and the parties will be way too much fun, if you follow the road I did first year spread will hit you hard and it will take the entire third term for you to get rid of it again.
Try stick to drinking half bottles and not full bottles of brandy or whisky, at the Kenton party, the trance party and “the dress to get laid party” you will find out exactly why.
The time will come when you have to get over yourself and let your guard down, don’t be afraid to let go and let it happen. Lots of your best happiness stems from outside of your comfort zone and at the worst you get hurt and get over it.
You won’t struggle to adapt to the new environment, you’ll fit right into the party life style and don’t worry you’ll fit right in with the people as well. You probably will only miss home once after being in Grahamstown for 2 months, and the 14 hour drive back in the old beetle doesn’t make it any easier.
On that note take the car and get out of Grahamstown as often as you can. You will get cabin fever if you don’t!
Other than that there is not much advice I can give you, I know you and I know you’ll figure out any problems you have.
Tell we next speak, yours sincerely My Dear Friend
George
My young friend, this year will open up countless doors, opportunities and experiences for you, far surpassed anything which you could have previously imagined or experienced. This year will be about learning, loving, making friends and having fun. You will lose your liver and learn to drink Crackling at a rapid rate, and in the process you will throw your name away nearly twice a week every week. What matters though is that you have an amazing time throughout. Bad times are few and far between, and you will stretch your wings further than you could have imagined.
My only advice to you is that you must fight the urge to stop gyming in the second term. Work will become near insurmountable and the parties will be way too much fun, if you follow the road I did first year spread will hit you hard and it will take the entire third term for you to get rid of it again.
Try stick to drinking half bottles and not full bottles of brandy or whisky, at the Kenton party, the trance party and “the dress to get laid party” you will find out exactly why.
The time will come when you have to get over yourself and let your guard down, don’t be afraid to let go and let it happen. Lots of your best happiness stems from outside of your comfort zone and at the worst you get hurt and get over it.
You won’t struggle to adapt to the new environment, you’ll fit right into the party life style and don’t worry you’ll fit right in with the people as well. You probably will only miss home once after being in Grahamstown for 2 months, and the 14 hour drive back in the old beetle doesn’t make it any easier.
On that note take the car and get out of Grahamstown as often as you can. You will get cabin fever if you don’t!
Other than that there is not much advice I can give you, I know you and I know you’ll figure out any problems you have.
Tell we next speak, yours sincerely My Dear Friend
George
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