The Obstacle-basher Survivor

She is a very brave, active, fun and a people’s person. She is a brave girl who loves to smile and loves being happy all the time and yet hurt easily. *Puleng had so many expectations about varsity; she ultimately thought that lectures would be a great help than they are now. “I honestly didn’t think that it was gonna be a man for himself typa thing,” she said. Showing a wide smile she told me how she thought she would finally have independence now that she is away from the watchful eyes of her parents. “There’s nothing that pains as much as not being able to do what I wanna do, not that I wanna be reckless or anything,” *Puleng says with a rather mischievous smile.
When *Puleng first set her feet in varsity what immediately crossed her inquisitive mind was “no more high school…varsity here I come.” She refers to the varsity’s rules as unnecessary. “My God, inter-res visiting…fells like I’m back in high school.” *Puleng pulls her legs up on bed and sighs deeply before she continues detailing her varsity expectations as a first year. She then gets up and gets herself a glass of juice and offers me one. She further states why she does not understand the idea of restricted rules at university. She expressed her views on this matter in an angrily mood with her hair fringe hiding her left eyebrow, “we’re here to further our education standards and not to be looked after and no, I’m not being naïve,” she said.
Puleng clears her throat as she prepares to lay her academic encounters in the first term of her arrival. Smiling, she tells me of how it was difficult for her to find her feet and not just go with the flow. Her friends say that she is a very committed student and that she’s the type of a person who likes to see to it that things get done on time. “I’m so not a last minute person; I give my work my all but Politics bro…eish,” she says shaking her head vigorously. Her first 101 and 102 politics tests were her academic lows so far and she strongly feels that she “can always make up in exams. Her academic highs were passing her two majors in exams. “It showed that I got my eyes on these two subjects.”

It’s true that we don’t always get what we want or that things don’t always go the way we want them to. This is what *Puleng’s character portrayed immediately after she started reciting the predicaments that she thought would be permanent hindrances to happiness. She pulls a serious or saddened face when asked about her social highlights. A couple minutes filled with silence pass by. “I’ve been hurt many times and each time I think about it pains me really hard, ok maybe the beginning would be ideal,” she said in a lingering voice.
She wishes her mother had cautioned her about heart breakers coz now she doesn’t see herself giving her heart to anyone just like that. “This is the story of my life, I met this guy that I liked so much it’s nobody’s business and I thought he felt the same way about me but I was so wrong it hurts. He would invite me to his room only to start an inadequate argument over stupid things, but I would there anyway coz he had gotten under my skin I just couldn’t stop loving him,” she grabs a handkerchief and quickly wipes tires as they descend on her chubby chicks. “I had to leave him because I could see he was only using me, gosh…he loved knowing that he had someone or something to distress him. I know it sounds as a norm but it was extremely juggling everything at once because I was preparing for exams when I realised this,” tears uncontrollably run down her face as she pours her heart out.

“I’m still astonished at how I managed to get over him; I still love him to beats though. I so wish my mom would have warned me about heartbreakers,” she says with a smile filled with sadness and anger.

Letter to my younger self

My sweet Andy

I know you are probably excited about coming to university and that your parents may have already told one or two things about university life but I thought now would be the perfect time for me to share my first year experiences with you. I know my parents warned me about a lot of things that happen at varsity but I still wish that they could have at least told me about staying who I am.

It was approximately two weeks after Orientation Week when I actually got head-to-head with peer pressure. I had already made friends or at least I thought they were my friends. We were enjoying ourselves and we had decided to go out one night, just to have a good time while we could because at the end of the day we had to bear in mind what we came to varsity for, and that was to get our degree.

I had never touched alcohol in my entire life and had never planned to. All of my friends drank and I was the only who was not into alcohol. They all thought that I was not “cool” and that I defeated the purpose of us calling ourselves the Cool Chicks as I did not want to drink alcohol. They asked me try it and to be honest, I was tempted to as they all claimed “it was not that bad”.

I started looking at myself and remembering the promise I had not only to my mother but to myself as well. I have seen how people, girls in particular, end up losing their dignities because they are so trying hard to fit in. I knew I had to break it up with them because friends look out for each other and respect one another’s decisions and sadly, they were none of that, all they wanted to do was to drag me to their level.

I wish my mother had cautioned about misleading friends because I though we were going to have a valuable friendship but unfortunately, they were not friends enough to value my decision. So all I wanted to let you know that there are misleaders everywhere and it’s you who knows who you are and staying who you are will benefit no one but you.

Yours Lovingly
Philisiwe.